Have you ever looked in the mirror or noticed a put-together person across the room and told yourself subconsciously, “I’m not as good as them?" Or have you ever wore bigger clothes to hide your “pudgy areas” and avoided eye contact with people so they wouldn’t notice your acne? I have experienced all of these, and if I were to go back and tell myself a quick word of advice, oh boy, would I have a word with myself.
Sometimes we ask God why weren’t made this way, or we have days where we just feel like an awkward, oily blob. I myself, have felt very insecure in many ways, and I still do, but I’ve learned something very important that is easily forgotten in these situations.
Think about it. God could have made us to look like a model with a perfect figure and soft skin like some people have. God could have made us to live a life without worries or insecurities, and He’s well aware of that. But, as He often reminds us in the Scripture, there’s a purpose for everything. For some of us, we’ve been told growing up that we’re “fearfully and wonderfully made,” according to the Scriptures. It is hard to believe something like this growing up when you don’t feel special or secure about yourself. But, as we grow, and as we find our own dreams and begin to see God’s plan unraveling in front of us, we realize that each of us have our own purpose in life. For me, personally, I think that God helped me to realize that even though I have doubts about myself and there are things that I wish that I could change about myself, that it wasn’t about me to begin with.
God has put it in my heart to reach out to others through writing. As sloppy and grammatically incorrect it can be, I find that I communicate best alone in my room with a computer and a cup of coffee. If I had the perfect body that I wanted and had no insecurities, I wouldn’t have been able to write about my struggles and relate to other people in order to encourage them. Often times, God uses us to bring others into His light, and when we feel incapable or “not as good” as other people, we are reminded that God can use those to bring joy to the people who need it the most. Putting ourselves out there and not giving it a second thought if our hair is messy or if our faces are extra pimply can really put a huge impact on others. We may not attract thousands of viewers or have people who can acknowledge us for what we do, but as long as we can impact at least one person’s life, I think that that is one of the most rewarding things in life.
So, the next time that you feel insecure about yourself, remember that those uncertainties that haunt your mind truly don’t matter. Just think about how many “I’s” are in your thoughts. “I’m not skinny enough,” “I don’t look like her,” or “I don't fit in.” Why waste your time focusing on things that won’t change the real you inside, the light of your existence that God hand-crafted, and focus your thoughts on how you can change others who need the light. Because life is about figuring out who you are in Christ. Life is using your talents to bless others, and life is putting yourself out there, even when you start doubting yourself. Because, when you finally realize what really matters and what doesn’t, then you can make a lifetime impact.
On a sidetrack, I learned this the most when I volunteered to a sci-fi convention this summer. Most people don’t think a second thought about these “nerdy things,” but these conventions bring life back in me and they mean so much to me. People who are labeled “nerds” who like shows like Star Trek or Firefly are often seen as people who are “down to earth” and “ordinary looking.” However, when I go to these conventions, I can see a similar pattern in each one. The artists, gamers, writers, readers, and lovers of anime and sci-fi are passed by on a regular basis, but when they come to a convention, we understand each others struggles and connect in ways that I normally can’t do easily.The convention I go to is filled with generally very genuine people who risk their reputation and life to chase their dreams in order to make others happy. I forgot my insecurities, my imperfections, and my everyday struggles when I went, and the reason why this happened is because when I was helping others, I knew that it didn’t matter what I was wearing or how I looked, but all that mattered was how I was affecting them by my presence.
Your mere presence can do so much to other people, and as they say, “How you make people feel tells a lot about yourself.” So, go out there and show the world your light, they’re waiting for you.
Much love and keep dreaming,
Momo