Hey everyone!
I hope that you have been doing well! As you know, the school year has started and everyone is trying to shake off their vacation habits. However, coming back to school, I'm beginning to remember the re-occurring struggles I'm facing. As some of you may know already, I have a dysfunctional nervous system and a syndrome called POTS. Have you ever felt like you were going to pass out? That split second of pure panic when you think "oh my goodness I am going to pass out right now" and you are envisioning a hospital bed and faces hovering over you is what I feel every time I am in unnatural lighting, have to pee really bad, am not drinking water constantly, not eating enough or at the right time, and many other factors such as standing up too long, standing up from lying down, and so much more.
So, to say it simply, it sucks. It sucks to stay in 45 minute classes, 9 classes a day and feel like that. It sucks to not remember what it feels like to feel "normal," to not be able to do what everyone else can do. On top of that, I have really, really bad, "I hate my skin" skin. I am beyond thankful for makeup, but at the same time, it sucks to have acne.
But, despite all the insecurities and all the battles that we face throughout the day, I was reminded at church a couple of Sundays ago that we don't have to fear trials. As Christians, we should expect hard times because we are not of the world. But, God does promise us that He will never leave us, and even when you are going through a really hard time and you are overwhelmed, remember to just breathe and let God take over.
POTS has definitely been the most difficult trial that I have ever faced in my lifetime and it has challenged me on a daily basis. But through it, and through having it for over a year now, I can see how God is helping me to let go of the fears that I have. Anxiety and worry are two of my worst weaknesses and when God gave me POTS, I face one of my worst fears everyday. Sure, it is not easy and yes, it sucks more than anything. But, God is still faithful in our weakness and we need to have faith at all times, knowing that He is indeed in control of our lives.
So, whatever battle you are facing or whatever insecurity haunts you, let go. Sometimes God may bring trials in our lives to help us become more like Him, and that's ok. You may find yourself listening to sad, sappy songs and feeling bad for yourself, but after that, don't let it discourage you. God knows exactly what's going to happen to you and He knows you better than you know yourself. Trust Him and just pour out your heart to Him. You'll find that it's a lot easier to let God deal with your problems than to face them on your own.
Stay strong, my friends! We have God on our side.
Much love and keep dreaming, Momo
Here's a list of sad-ish, sappy songs:
almost any song from "Age of Youth"
Untitled 2014-GD
The Reason Why: Yang Da Il
Glass Bridge: Savina and Drones
Don't push me: Wendy, Seulgi
Our tears: Hyolyn
A Little Braver: New Empire (the one's just ok)
The love: Limjae Bum
I loved you: Day 6