Hey guys!
I don't really have any particular topic to talk about, I just thought that I would just spill out my thoughts. Looking back, I know that I have been privileged and blessed to have the upbringing that I was brought up in, but when I look back at my mistakes, my thought processes, and the way I handled life, I wish that I would've handled it better. For one, I wasn't happy. Ever since I wanted to please others and find some sort of talent to appease my family and to have "some sort of importance" in life back in sixth grade, it's been a rocky road. Growing up, I was different from my sisters in that they read a lot and were smart, when I didn't read as much and got B's occasionally. Of course I tried to force myself to read the four hundred page books they read when they were 10, but I couldn't do it. Because of this, I wanted to show my parents that even though I'm "not as good" as them that I could offer something at the table.
This carried into middle school and part of high school. The biggest issue with this was that I wasn't myself. I forced so much upon me-anime, friends, gardening, (don't ask) and anime conventions. I forced friendships because I wanted to mirror my sister's life and when none of my friends worked out, I realized that I shouldn't have forced them. It was then that God brought me a new friend that had been there all along-my cousin. I am so thankful for her presence in my life. Anyway, I desperately tried to be someone I wasn't because I wasn't happy with where God had me. And on top of that when good old insecurities started to show up on my face starting ninth grade, it was hard. And it's still hard today. It's hard to not be happy with how you look and it can become obsessive-especially when media and those around you may notice it too.
But then, about over a year ago when God allowed me to have the POTS situation, it was one of the hardest parts of my life. I hated it so much and couldn't understand why I had to suffer through it. But, I am so thankful for my family and teachers who were supportive of me.
And then came summer and I met someone who I desperately tried hard not to fall for, but ended up falling for him anyway. In fact, I fell for him so hard and he was the first person who ever appreciated me that much. And this my friends was Momo's first taste of heartbreak.
Anyways, I am sorry about all of my blabbing, I think that I just needed to vent for a bit. My main point is to know that even though we've had a rocky road, that that was supposed to happen and that it made us who we are! Look back and even when life was tough, thank God that He brought you out of it! And if you're going through something right now, know that it's in your life for a purpose and that a good attitude is key!
Much love and keep dreaming, Momo