(Picture by Pimtha)
Hey everyone!
Boy oh boy, what a year 2016 has been! It definitely hasn't been easy, I can tell you that. But through everything that has happened, I am grateful that they happened.
"You're not a mess. You're brave for trying."
So, where to start? There are so many things that I have yet to learn, but I can confidently tell you that God has stretched and tested me this year-to make me into a better person. I learned that no matter what happens, we need to remember that God sees the bigger picture, and that we can't promise the future.
(Artist: Puung)
Lesson#1: Don't be self-centered!!!
Through being lightheaded for 10 months now, I can tell you how self-centered I am. God has taken care of me, despite the pain, despite the confusion, and through everything. With this circumstance, I learned that I had this "deal" with God. I would subconsciously tell myself that as long as I don't get cancer or none of the people I love will die, I will still be happy. The thing is, God puts us through certain things for a reason, and that sometimes bad things happen. In fact, bad things will happen. But going through something like this, I learned that God still takes care of us, (I haven't fainted yet) and that I can't be self-centered! Throwing a pity party for myself and shutting down is something that I often do. When things don't go my way, I don't like it-as simple as that. I have thrown many pity parties and have shut down many times during these 10 months because I didn't understand what was wrong with me and why I had to go through this. But doing what I did was something that hasn't helped anybody! In fact, I think life is something that can't be perfectly planned out and orchestrated for our convenience. Our lives rest in God's hands and was made for His glory-not for ours or anyone else's.
Also, during this time, I realized how nice it is when people genuinely ask how you are doing. During school, I would sit outside class almost everyday because I couldn't handle being inside. At first, people would be very concerned and ask me about it-even people who I was not necessarily close with. However, as time passed, and I didn't get better, I think they kind of thought it was "normal." They stopped asking how I was, even my best friend. Sometimes, the best thing you can do for a person is to sit down with them and just let them pour out their feelings. So, this made me think-I am very self-centered! It is easy for me to try to push my way through life, only bothering myself with what was convenient for me. It is time for me to rid me of myself and to use up my time focusing on making other people's lives happier. However, there is a catch to this-"don't invest in people who don't invest in you."
(Artist: Puung)
Lesson#2: Don't Deal With Negativity
When I say to not deal with negativity, I mean not to deal with anything that drains the life out of you-including people. If you need to privately unfollow someone on social media because they ever so slightly make you feel less happy, (not that I am not like this-I am cringe-worthy to a whole another level!) then do it! If you need to stop investing in someone because they aren't investing in you, don't cut them off, but stop putting so much energy into that relationship! Do what makes you happy, and do it without thinking if other people are judging you. (Of course don't do anything bad, you know what I mean!) So, stop hiding your dreams, and stop lowering your standards because someone else doesn't see your worth.
(Artist: Puung)
Lesson#3: Don't Think Your Plans Are Always Going to Happen
So, we've come a long way....Thinking back at how far I've come in just the past year, kind of scares me actually. I've let go of a lot of things that dragged me down, got a few bumps and scrapes on the way, but I survived. Because dreaming big is exciting, it is easy to forget what's in front of you and what matters right now. Focusing on only what happens in the future and expecting that you'll finally be happy only when you fulfill your dream is a big lie. I think that we need to learn how to be happy and how to bless others in our current situation first before we start focusing on the future. Before, I thought that when I finally stretched my wings a bit, gone out of the house, covered some ground, and found a small cozy apartment to live in, I'll finally be happy. But the thing is, what you learn now is important. Sure it won't be easy-nothing in life will be easy, per-se. Life is unexpected, so focus on how you can make this moment happy.
Of course, let this not discourage you not to dream! Dream big! Dream unapologetically and have hope in the future! Be courageous and go out of your comfort zone to make other people happy. Life is not about us-it was never about us to begin with. So, go make the best out of today and just be happy. Stop being around negative people, cut them out if you need to, but always know that you'll know when you found a good friend. I think that it's about time we stopped living thinking that we knew exactly what's going to happen in the future and started to courageously take a deep breath and tell God that we're ready to move on from our old 2016 self, ok?
(Artist: Puung)
Much love and keep dreaming, Momo