Woah! This Seoul Daydreamer girl still exists?!?!? Yes! I'm so sorry, I know, it's been forever! I hope you guys didn't forget about me!^^
In this first part, I will try keep it somewhat simple and just talk about what happened and my experience, and in part two, I'll reveal more of what I learned and so on.
So, I'll skip this unnecessary intro and cut to the chase already.
To preface everything, this annual convention has been my third time going, and just to let you know, it brings out the light out of the dark places in my life and makes me actually feel alive!! So, this is not just some nerdy thing when the outcasts at school all skip school to go to, it's something that has impacted my life dramatically for the better-I feel accepted, loved, and changed in a way that I have never felt before. It is a pretty magical experience and I have learned so many valuable lessons and encountered wonderful people along the way.
Now that you know that I basically live and breathe con, I bet that you could guess that I was pretty exited the week of the convention. It actually took me off guard, and I didn't fully realize that it was going to happen till the week before! On Thursday, since we were going to stay at the Ala Moana Hotel for two nights to save some time and enjoy a mini vacation, I was thrilled to throw together my "con survival kit" and the clothes needed. Unfortunately, because of my lightheadedness, I didn't have the best week at school, and it really discouraged me. I was afraid that I was going to pass out because my lightheadedness is so needy. (I need to be constantly hydrated, fed, exercised, not tired or anxious-basically a super human.) It really stressed me out because con is such an important event for me. But as my sisters reminded me, (check them out at http://daydreamerslight.wixsite.com/mysite) you just gotta trust Jesus no matter what!!!
So, on Friday morning, I woke up and it definitely hadn't hit me yet. I woke up around 3:45 since we had to leave around 5:45 because I wanted to curl my hair with my mom's flat iron. Don't ask me how long it took me last time to curl my hair with a flat iron. Once I put on my makeup and hopped into my cosplay, (which was my first ever cosplay 3 years ago-a cat maid outfit! It was given to me from my Onnechan.<3) I got into the car and was all ready to go on my adventure. I had my earphones all tucked behind my hair and around my neck, otherwise, a mess that I can't explain, and then I realized something. Of course, the day of, the morning of this convention, when we were all belted in and about to leave, was when it dawned on me that I had forgotten to get my ticket! Yanking my earphones out of my ears, I told my tired parents and rushed back in, nearly slipping on the cold floors, in the dark, as I sprinted towards my room.
And guess what. Big surprise! I couldn't find it anywhere. At all. I dumped out the contents of most drawers and even checked other rooms. I was in trouble. Time was slipping by quicker than ever, and if I couldn't find my ticket, I wouldn't have been able to go. Thankfully, my mom found it, fifteen stressful minutes later, and I rushed back into the car, carrying this slip of paper as if my life depended on it. After a few scoldings, well deserved, yet still very stressful, I calmed myself down and told myself that everything was going to be ok.
Knowing that I have lightheaded problems and with that comes many various "rules" that I must follow in order to not pass out and flash everyone, I was a bit worried. Ok, I was really worried. As you guys may have caught on before, I have felt like this problem has stolen a lot of happiness from me. I simply can't enjoy life as everyone else can in just everyday life. In class, I was always so jealous of everyone else who can just sit in class without feeling the need to rush out the door before you pass out and of everyone who could live normally. These "rules" have really taken a lot out of me as well, but I am thankful that no matter how many times I was 100% sure that I was going to pass out, God has always saved me from that.
Some rules that I had to keep in mind while at this convention was that I would have to eat around every 2-3 hours, something healthy, and have a healthy lunch. I need to be constantly hydrating myself, and if I need to pee, I would feel really lightheaded if I didn't release it right away. It also makes me lightheaded if I'm nervous, and of course, all unnatural lights. For as long as I can remember, I really questioned God why He let this happen to me. Why didn't He heal me after a full year of having it? I'll let you know how these thoughts turned into something new later.
Arriving at mom's work early so that my friend could pick me up, was also very exciting. I was excited to escape-just to escape from school, from the people who I can't fit in with, and to just feel alive. The first day, my lightheadedness was really bad. And by bad, I mean, it was the worst it had been in a while. I was so focused on looking somewhere where there isn't too much motion (although this is hard in a crowded room) and to hang onto my friend's arm for my dear life. It was difficult to fully enjoy the convention. I constantly felt on the verge of unconsciousness, and it was really hard to go through this.
But you know what? God still got me through it, and guided me. He gave me blessings, He used other people to give me gifts, used me to give gifts to other people, and even when things were all going white, I knew that He was still with me. It is scary, I have to admit. God has really put me on the edge here. Because passing out is strangely one of my worst fears, it's like if you're scared of heights and almost falling off the very edge of a tall diving board- for long periods of time.
However, in the next day, I kind of learned how to embrace it. I learned that sometimes, we simply cannot change what our situation is, and that even if we pray and pray for something that we don't like to be over, it doesn't mean that He will fix it whenever you want it to be fixed. Sometimes, all we can do is just trust that even when we're hanging on our last string and you feel like God is about to pull the last one, that you need to just believe that He has a better plan for you. No matter what goes on, if you contract a syndrome-dysfunctional thing like me, or if someone close to you passes away, or if you lose your job, you need to be able to trust God and thank Him for His sovereignty. He is a good God no matter what our circumstances are. We are so narrow minded and selfish in thinking that we don't need Him or that our way is better, when it is Him who has been guiding us.
Don't expect your life to be like everyone else's, and don't only love God so that you can get your way or so that He can do something for you. More than anything, always know that your relationship with Him is the most important thing in the world and that He needs to be put first in all aspects of our lives. He deserves our full attention. :)