Hey everyone!
Yet another Monday comes, and yet another weekend passes. School doesn't seem to end and sometimes, the people around me can become draining. (Not any family members or teachers!<3)
After staying upstairs in the media room after more than 10 years of attending Sunday school, I've realized something. (Of course, I learned a lot from Sunday school and the teachers were really nice-mostly the people hehe if you know what I mean!) I've realized that for over 10 years, I've really put up with a lot. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure there were good moments, but most of the time, I was petrified to be in a place where I became a bad omen towards people around me. To give you an idea, I sat in my own row for most of the time, and if an unlucky person happened to have come late, they would be forced to sit next to the awkward, pimply girl who everyone thinks is smart . About this smartness thing, everyone would chose me on their teams. ( I DESPISED REVIEW DAY. MEMORIES OF ALL OF THOSE REVIEWS DAYS HAVE MADE A PERMANENT ETCH IN MY MEMORY BANK, REMINDING ME OF ALL THE MOMENTS I WANTED TO HIDE IN A CORNER AND DIE ALONE BECAUSE I CAN'T HANDLE MUCH AROUND PEOPLE I FEEL ALONE AROUND)
So, because of my lightheadedness, sometimes I ended up sitting next to my mom in the media room because it is dark. I actually visited there a lot even before then, so I was familiar with the atmosphere. Having to go to church when my lightheadedness was at its worst, was torturous. And then it dawned on me that I could help my mom upstairs. It would be perfect! So, later on, I talked to her about it and she agreed and talked to the media director about letting me do the lights for church. Does this remind you of anything? It is similar to my dream perhaps? So I was absolutely thrilled to do this! Number one, NO MORE SUNDAY SCHOOL PRAISE THE LORD HALLELUJAH. Secondly, this could help me get used to working behind the scenes! (By the way, my lightheadedness is getting a lot better!) I could finally stay in church without having to leave halfway through worship, not to mention that most of the team, except for one mouse-like kid, are better company than most kids I've met my age. For one, they are drama free, two they don't talk/act like most kids my age, and three they seem to understand me more than the people around me at my schools. Why is it that I find connections more with adults rather than people my age. -_-
Anyways, my mom asked me this morning as we were going to church, "when are you going back to Sunday school? You don't have any friends at church." And then, in my mind, all of those memories forever etched into my memory bank revisited me and I immediately became thankful that I work upstairs and haven't seen the kids from church in a long time. Do you know how happy I am because of this?? We had this mutual disliking towards each other, and honestly, it was killing me inside I know my mom, like most parents, want the best for their children, but the other teens at church completely drain the life out of me and I feel like I stick out as a sore thumb, yet I am so invisible.
I guess what I'm trying to say after this long babble, is that there are good things happening, even in bad situations. Sometimes, you just need to wait and be patient, other times, maybe we need to let go of what we think we deserve or what we think will happen, and put our full trust in Him. I hope that you will also put your full trust in Him and depend on Him for all your needs!!
Much love and keep dreaming,
Momo