Hey guys!
I've shamefully dragged myself back into my blogging state to avoid the fact that I am indeed procrastinating once again on one to many things on my to-do list. However, there's one topic I think I've missed out on talking about: high school. Oh yes, these years most people associate cringe, regret, and some drops of happiness in-well, and there's stress of course.
Picture credit: (https://www.pinterest.com/pin/AYvB_mXqCZxGr6LmKHVNo8VPCf3GbD3Gflzg9XVVTczeUQ92vawbODo/)
High school. I like it and I don't. I really appreciate the fact that my parents sacrifice money to put me in a good Christian school where I feel safe, and I'm fed His presence on a daily basis. However, there's some things I don't really like. Now to preface everything, I know that my high school experience is a lot smoother than what others have faced, but there are still many moments where I stare into the poster filled walls in my classroom and scream "take me home country roads" in my head.
For one, I don't really feel needed, or alive. I am very fortunate to have a class that is essentially drama free and very nice, yet, I feel very distant from them. It's like I need to change some part of me, crawl through holes and loops of some standard, and try to fit in a place that makes me, well, not me at all. I realized that I've grown tired of this, tired of being labeled this and that for enjoying what I can safely enjoy. And so for these past years, I've tried my hardest to find someone who would connect with me and be that best friend I've always dreamed of. Well, for the most part, I've made good friends, but I know that they aren't "her." I've learned this the hard way, after spending lots of money and time on people who've basically given me distance and almost no input in me too.
To cope with problems like this, of course, I just need to realize that I am in this particular high school for a reason, in this age, with these specific people, for a purpose greater than my understanding. I've tried to pass on what my Onnechans have given me this past years, because they have changed my life, but these people just don't seem to get it. But who knows, maybe they have and maybe they just need time to realize it. As frustrating as it is to look back and realize how much I've tried to give to people who haven't tried to invest in me as well, I just need to remember to focus on the happiness that was brought out through those situations.
Oh high school, this very non-anime like experience, a place where I feel misunderstood and unappreciated, is an experience after all, and for that, I am very grateful for. I know that not everyone gets to go to high school, or go to a private Christian school where you feel protected and looked after, but I think everyone's high school experience is different.
In the future, I hope to do my best to work hard and please the Lord. I am thankful that He is giving another year to prepare for the future, to gain experience, and to enjoy staying at home with my parents. Sure, at times, high school may flat out suck, but I wouldn't want to trade this experience. No place will be perfect, and I don't think we'll get everything that we will expect, so because of that, I don't think we should just want to rush through our lives waiting for the better days. Instead, as hard as it may be, let's do our best with what God gave us for now and be happy. He always gives us enough and He knows EXACTLY what we need. Let's trust in Him. Joshua 1:9: "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage, do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."
Much love and keep dreaming,
Momo
P.S. This song reminds me that we can all make a difference in someone's lives somehow, even if it's in the smallest or least expected way.