Hey guys!!!
Guess what? You guys just survived another week! On Sunday night, you didn't think this day would come, right? Well, you made it and it's time to enjoy the weekend! I hope you all have a restful weekend and thank you again for your love and support on this long journey!
Art credit: Pascal Campton
So, this topic has been circling my around in my thoughts for a while. Ever since thinking about my anime "phase" that lasted from around 7-8th grade to around the 9-10th grade, I realized that I didn't care what other people thought. I just did what made me happy and by me being happy, I believed that I could make other people happy, and honestly, I think that it worked! I remember staying up late at night to make bentos for my friends with hand written notes on cute post it notes and pictures of their favorite characters, I remember writing notes and sticking them in their locker, and I remember talking about anime in the school-with pure joy in my heart.
I think that it was during this period, this period of happiness despite the acne and awkwardness that surrounded it, was when I finally learned that helping other people was what I like doing most, and what I feel God has given me as a gift.
But, as I was mentioning earlier, I was at the lunch table with my friends the other day, and they were talking about that anime phase we all went through, however, they were quick to point out that I was most "weeb" wish among everyone. Honestly, I didn't feel too good after this. Anime helped me to crawl out of my dark caves, (yes I am coming Papa Mignogna), it helped me to find a place I call home, (I'm cringing with you) and to be happy. It made me sad that after all that I tried to do with them to help them feel at "home" while at school, to make the best out of everyday and to be happy, that in the end, all they remembered from that was that I was a "weeaboo."
I think that it wasn't until this year that I realized that I needed to stop investing so much into the people who don't invest in me. I've spent so much time, energy, and money on people who left me feeling a bit empty and alone. It was a very harsh realization, because all I wanted to do was to make them happy. But, as my onnechan once told me, I just need to focus on the happiness that we got out of it. Sure I've spent a lot of money on them, but that did make them happy, temporarily, I guess, but it was worth it. Of course, I wasn't the best friend either! When my best friend broke up with her boyfriend, I honestly didn't know what to do. It was heartbreaking for me because I felt like as much as I tried to reach out to her, I wasn't helping at all.
Anyways, now that I've been daydreaming about South Korea, I realized that I've been more sensitive to what other people think. Most people look down on us, fangirls, because we have pictures of "girly" men all over our folders. I don't blame them, I wouldn't understand either. However, now that I've gotten see-through bangs, am wearing headbands and bows in my hair a lot, and dressing similarity to them, I notice that I do stick out. Where I am, it seems that only younger girls wear bangs, headbands, and cutesy stuff. But then, there's me, with a kitty backpack, a pink bow in her hair, and see-through bangs. Even though I feel like I stick out, that people will think that I am trying to be "Korean," I have more courage now. If people begin to question you, don't let it get to you. Use it to bless other people and bring them to Christ!
On this topic, I think these ideas are wrapped around insecurity. One of my biggest insecurities is my acne, which honestly sucks, especially when other people point it out. Another one, is my height. For someone who goes to a school where there are many people shorter than me, it's not always desirable to be the tall one. I have always found it really awkward, as if I was a freak of nature, especially when people go up to you and ask, "Did you grow again?" But to cope with this in the past, I've told myself, you know, I'll just wait till I meet my person, and I bet he'll be much taller than me and it'll be ok.
Oh, Momo, you don't need to wait for your person to stop feeling insecure. It is a lot better now, but every now and then, I can't help but compare. So, I've been trying to use this as an opportunity to help people. You know when you're around a taller person, you feel smaller, so if that person is nice, you feel safe? I want to be that safe umbrella other insecure people can hide under so that they can see that they shouldn't be insecure about themselves. There's always a positive side, sometimes you just need to look a little longer.
Whatever you are insecure about, use it to be brave and show people that they don't have to be insecure about theirs. It's amazing what happens when you take a step out of your comfort zone and bless others through it!
Ok, ok, I won't talk any longer. Thank you if you made it this far!!
Much love and keep dreaming,
Momo