Hey everyone!!!
How are you guys? Can you believe that it's already Friday?!?! Time really goes by fast, doesn't it? I hope that you are enjoying the first glimpses of summer as school is wrapping up and we can start vacation!
As the title infers, things have changed. And what I mean by change, is I think that I've really changed and the things/people have changed as well. For starters, I realized that for so long, I have looked at things the wrong way. It is really hard for me to explain, but what I'm trying to get as is the fact that I was trying to make my life identical to my onnechans' because I was so jealous of them. They are amazing, amazing people and they have really made me happy. They accepted the middle school mess I was and helped me to find some sort of home. However, I tried to make my life one that was not mine and I didn't want to accept the fact that if my life will be different from theirs.
Looking back, the way I viewed life was a huge mistake. Sure, there were hard times surrounding those days, but I realized that I was just not happy. I was selfish, envious, and I tried to fit in shoes that weren't my size. I envied a life that God wasn't giving me and forced myself and other people around me to mirror a friendship, a life that was exactly like theirs. And because God didn't give me what I wanted, I was really sad. I didn't understand the loneliness and why He didn't give me a best friend like how He gave my onnechans' their high school and college friendship.
And you know what? I'm just realizing that this cycle has started off from when I was young. I felt talentless, not smart, and useless. I wasn't content with the life God gave me and forced hobbies on myself so that I could still be of some use. However, it was all a mistake. Stop forcing yourself to read if you don't find happiness in good books. Stop forcing yourself to live a life that's not yours. God gave you a life that's not like anyone else's and if you try to fit yourself into someone else's story, you're going to waste your time focusing on all the wrong things.
So, all of this is to say that whenever you're upset because God isn't giving you what you want, you're obviously not going to be happy. You're not going to feel content and you're going to feel empty if you're not satisfied with where God has you. You can't find happiness without Jesus, and you can't find fulfillment in anyone else but Him. If you chase a life that God hasn't given you, then you're going to end up with a not very good feeling. I cannot stress how glad I am so glad that God protected me from what I wanted and gave me my own story. He gave me a chance to live for Him and a chance to bring others to Him.
So, wherever you're at, when people say "be yourself," they really mean it! If there's a situation that's not ideal, there's a reason for it. Trust me, I've gone through a year of almost fainting in classrooms. I know. It's all going to be ok. You just have to trust God and know that all things do work out for those called according to His purpose. You will be ok!
Keep fighting, soldier. Don't ever stop doing what's right and fill yourself up with Jesus. You will never feel empty.
Much love and keep dreaming,
Momo