Wow. I couldn't think of a better title, huh? Well, I am feeling a bit emotionally drained as I usually do at the end of the day when the makeup comes off, memories are coming back, and I get distracted by the stresses and hard times in life.
Regret:
I regret a lot of things. Do you feel the same way? I tend to hold on to a lot and it's hard for me to forgive myself sometimes. I regret trying to change myself, trying to force relationships, getting into anime, dealing with people who make me feel small, and for all of the mistakes I made in the past. Sometimes I wish to turn back time and cherish the time I should have spent being happy and helping others instead of being stuck on my phone and walking past the dirty dishes and laundry. I regret not being satisfied with how I look, how I feel after comparing myself to others and their lives, and for trying to duplicate a beautiful life that wasn't meant for me. There's so much that I wish I wouldn't have to have deal with, but I know that all things work out for those who are called according to His purpose. And I think that the biggest regret is not spending enough time with my Maker. These days I haven't been reading my Bible as I should, praying and talking to Him as I should, and not taking the time to be thankful. I think that this all added up to discontentment and it all boils down to how we treat our relationship with God. This is what I want to change in myself the most.
(Picture credit: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/AQAiGpr-WcOV36bg00MZf1bmqH5KCAN-1G88emqAW7kto2UTAWprQAk/)
Change:
Oh, change. I have wanted change so much in the past. Coming from a place of low self-esteem, insecurity, and self-pity, it's been hard not to complain about the things I don't like in my life and to wish for a better life. You don't need a job in a foreign country to fulfill you. You don't need a boyfriend to make you feel pretty. What we need is Jesus and He should be our greatest desire and need in life. Without Him, we fall apart.
Oh boy, I don't think I have the energy to write anymore. I'm gong to leave it here. I'm sure that this post was just me ranting, but I think I needed to get this off my chest.
Much love and keep dreaming,
Momo